Get the Kleenex Out ( A Soldiers Homecoming)

and not because you will be crying but because you will be laughing your _____ off and may cry from laughter! You might even want to go put on a pair of Depends before I tell you how it went!

Note: This was written in 2003 just after Sir Braveheart returned from 10 months in Afghanistan. Sorry for all the exclamations and weird writing, but it originally was an e-mail out to friends and fellow armymoms.

To start....Sat was a long day of waiting. His plane did not get in until 4:45 and I was pacing all day. Cleaning, shopping (more food) and fixing things up...balloons and posters and yellow roses.

In the afternoon hubby came home from his weekly yoga-meditation class. He was gone way too long and I was starting to get anxious. He finally showed up around 1:45...I still had plenty I wanted him to help me do. Well, while we were busy fixing something, our dear girl Tashi (who is sadly no longer with us) the Shitzu that is the newest love of our life, ate her poop. We lost track of her for a few minutes outside and when I found her I discovered she had relieved herself and was now involved in her famous poop eating. I cleaned her mouth out and brushed her teeth (yes I am serious) it was gross....

Time was getting closer and closer...all day long I would say, "only 6 more hours...5 more hours....3 more hours...Around 3 O'clock I figured I had better change and get ready. I did not even know what to wear to go get him and decided on a sun dress...a nice sun dress...I put on a beautiful quartz crystal necklace that Miss Molldoll and Sir Braveheart had given to me for my 40th b-day. It opens up and is a locket and holds their pictures. I felt ready to see my beloved child.

Around 3:30 I checked the internet to see if Sir Braveheart's plane was on time. It was scheduled to be arriving earlier than expected. I started to get anxious again and told hubby we needed to leave. He thinks I am a bit of an alarmist and told me to relax.

Now, we took Miss Tashi everywhere with us and it was never a question that we would take her with us this day,except our dear girl became a woman that Thursday and was in heat....not much, a little drip here and there, so no problem....right? We debated on whether or not to take her, and in the back of my mind was something my sister, who is an honest to God psychic, told me a few days prior. "Don't take TASHI"!!! She thought it would take away from Sir Braveheart's homecoming. The next time I will listen to her when she gets a "feeling" about something.

So off we head to the airport. I had dreamed of this day for so, so long and wondered if reality would match my expectation. As I headed out the door I asked hubby if he thought I should bring the regular (non-digital)camera, to which he replied, "Why? We have the digital". We got into the car and I remembered that I had put some cold medicine (for Sir Braveheart) into the other camera (film) bag. I ran into the house and grabbed the other non-digital camera....(thank you GOD) and off we went. The airport is only a half hour drive from our house and I felt so excited as we drove out of the driveway.

Around 15 minutes later I asked hubby if he brought his cell phone and he said "No, why would we need it"? I say,"What if we can't get to the airport? 

We will have no way to call Sir Braveheart". He turned to me and gave me the look from hell as if to say...Would you get over yourself...what could possible happen? we are just a few minutes away. OK I say to myself...stop worrying.

Around a minute later...with Tashi on my lap and before I knew what was happening, I realize she was heaving and a second later threw up alllllllllllll over me. Now this is not just throw up, IT IS POOP THROW UP. Let's just be direct...IT WAS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! I mean the nastiest smelliest POOP throw up you could imagine. ALL OVER ME....through the dress and into the tummy tucking underwear I am wearing. It goes ALL over the digital camera and ruins it. We are 10 minutes from the airport and Sir Braveheart's flight is arriving in 25 minutes. I am in complete and utter shock! I can not go into the airport like this. I mean, excuse me, but there is this HUGE POOP puke all over me. I am beyond myself and half scream, half cry for hubby to DO SOMETHING!! Well the smell is so bad that he is gagging!!!!!!!!!! and can barely drive the car. We are near a strip mall and I scream for him to TURN IN. Although there is nothing there except a CVS and I don't hold much hope for a new outfit.I am just soaked with this POOP/puke. It is now running down my leg and into the seat....and Tashi is in the back seat heaving and throwing up more....two more times to be exact. At the CVS I jump out of the car...the POOP/puke is just sticking to my dress in a BIG blob, at least the parts that have not soaked through and are running down my leg!!!!. I am honest to God ready to strip naked in the parking lot...hubby runs into CVS to see if there is ANYTHING I could wear. Time is clicking away....I am just standing there and these total strangers are walking toward me to their car. I look at them and say I am on my way to the airport to pick up my son who has been in Afghanistan and my dog .....blah blah....they look at me with the most heartfelt looks in there eyes and I say to them..."You don't have any extra clothes in your car do you?"...they say, "well I think we do....they are our sons and we were planning on bringing them to Goodwill". So there I am rummaging through these bags full of teenage boy's clothes to find something to wear... They are doing their best to help but I know the smell is getting to them also. I wish I could thank these people....I did not get their name.I'm sure they will never forget this day!!!!!!!!! they pull out a red and blue polo shirt...totally wrinkled and I say great...next come the homey jeans and I figure somehow I will get to the airport. They watch the dog....hubby is still inside trying to find me clothes. I run behind a brick wall (yes I am a bit out in the open) get naked and put these clothes on....as I am coming out Scott is coming out of CVS "empty handed". My last hope at arriving in a decent manner is lost. We jump in the car...but not before Scott finds an old pair of jeans (TOOOOOOO TIGHT) in the trunk and brings them to me. So while we are driving I take off the homey jeans......... now mind you my legs are still smelly and wet and I try to squeeze into the other jeans. This was not pretty..but I did it.

Well in the end, hubby had to stay in the car with the dog. So it was just me and my yellow rose to greet Sir Braveheart after 10 long months away at war. I asked a stranger if he would take our picture (thank God I went back and got the other camera). I think the whole airport knew of my episode. There was another family there waiting for a Marine coming from Iraq. They were all there with flags and banners...there I was alone with my smelly, strangers clothes on. It was not the homecoming I had imagined. But when I saw him come around the corner smiling and (looking a bit confused at my outfit) a thousand worries were lifted from my soul. He hugged me and looked me in the eyes and said, "I told you I would come home". I could not stop hugging him. His body is like steel!!!!and he looks GREAT...strong and handsome and smiling.


 


This is ALL I really wanted....him safely home, and that he is.

I fixed the barn (his old bedroom) all up nice for him and yet this morning when I went to let the cat out of Miss MollDoll's room...he was asleep in her bed. Guess he did not want to be too far from us either.